Why summer rocks

While students are in hibernation over the summer they send far fewer emails. Have anything in your archives to submit?

Chick-fil-a

Here's an email that has been making the rounds in academic circles.
I don't know if it's true or not... but if so this is the best excuse for missing a final exam that I have ever heard.

Professor [name],

I am in your MWF 8:00 a.m. [class] and I was wondering if there is any possible way I could take the exam on Monday, Tuesday, afternoon/late Thursday, or Friday? I know this is late notice, but something has come up that would, if I could go, require me to leave very early Wednesday morning and not arrive back in [our town] until Thursday morning. I would like to attend the Chick-fil-A opening in [city 2 hours away]. If you are one of the first one hundred people to arrive at a Chick-fil-A opening, you recieve free Chick-fil-A for a whole year. Because [our school] has a Chick-fil-A on campus, I would then be able to get a smaller meal plan and consequently save some money. This event is so popular that most of the 100 arrive very early in the morning the day before the opening and camp out the night before. Some even arrive days before the opening. To contend with the other potential first 100 arrivals, my ride would like to leave a great deal before my exam 8:00-10:00 a.m. on Wednesday. I know this may seem like an unusual request, but I would greatly appreciate anything you could do.

Thanks!
[student name]

My grade is unacceptable

From a reader: This one was handwritten on a piece of paper left for another TA in a shared office, so there's no email to forward. But a student left his TA a note saying that the grade he had received for [course] was "unacceptable." He asked her to suggest a "mutually convenient time" when they could meet "to negotiate a grade that will be acceptable to us both."

Lab attack

Hello [Professor],

I tried to send my [project] on blackboard but it did not so through so my lab is attacked to this email.

Thank you,
[Student]

I can't wait to take the exam!

Sent to a reader the night before the final, which was scheduled for the following afternoon:

I realize this is last minute, but if there was any possibility for me to take the final at the earlier time, 8 am Monday, that would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
[student name]

The professor's response:

[student name]:
You mean, like, 12 hours from right now? No way.
Prof [profname]

F is for flattery

A reader sends us this end-of-semester gem:

Hi [Professor],

I just recieved my [sophomore-level course] grade and you gave me an F. I am very very confused about this. I thought I was passing this class. I know the final was very difficult and I must have done bad, but it seemed like everyone did bad on it when I overheard people talking about it. I was close to average on the midterm, and was doing decent on my homeworks and quizzes. I was sure I would end the semester with a C. This was the third time I took [this course]. The other two times I dropped because I failed the midterms horribly and wasnt applying myseft to the course . This semester I was on top of all my [subject] work. I was really taken aback by my grade. I am almost sure there has to be an error. In the WORST case I should have recieved a D. Can you PLEASE check my grades again and reconsider certain things. I really dont want to have to take this class again. This F has really thrown me off track now. I have one more year here, as a 5th year senior. I was hoping to get my [courses of the type Prof. teaches] done by now so I can worry about my final classes and thesis. I am taking [another course in Prof's discipline] over the summer to get that out of the way also. I am really desperate right now. Can you please somehow manage to pass me. You've been a great guy all semester and a really great teacher. Can you just please help me out in this situation.

I would deeply appreciate it. Thank you.

[Student]

Well, since you really NEED a better grade and you think I'm really great, then okay.

Achieving an F

This is one for the textbooks, sent in by a reader:

Hi,
Unfortunately, the grade i received in this class was not the desired one. Was i atleast close to a D? The final started off well for me but then the questions on [course topic, misspelled] and the [another topic] ones totally through me off and messed me up. Unfortunately, i concentrated heavily on old tests and stuff from the book as we were pressed for time. Is there anyway you could send me a breakdown of my grade, just so i can see how far away i was from this elusive D. In addition, this F has made me academically ineligible, because even though i got a B+ and a B, i also got lower than expected grades in two other classes where i "achieved" a C and a D. therefore, i will probably not be able to play [collegiate sport] next season because of my poor grade performance. I am sitting on a 1.9 for this semester and need a 2.0 for me to be eligible to play.
Therefore, if there is any possible way of you increasing my grade to a D that would be greatly appreciated. I will be able to come back to [university name] and live my life normally. If not, i will be on academic probation and not eligible. If that is the case, i dont think that i will return next year. So, if i was close to a D, i will greatly appreciate your help with me getting one.
I wish i was in [city where the university is located] to talk to you about this in person, but i am in [foreign country] so it would be a little hard. I hope that you can do anything possible to rectify this situation.
please let me know
[Student's Name]

The professor's response is worth saving to use later if (when?) you find yourself in this situation:

Dear [Student's Name]:

I am sorry to hear about the adverse consequences of your grade in my course [course number]; however, there is really nothing to "rectify." No professor at this university would ever increase a student's course grade based upon how badly the student wanted or needed a higher grade. Such practices would be antithetical to the mission of the university and imperil its accreditation. See the Web site

[link to Kurt Wiesenfeld's article "Making the Grade," Newsweek, June 17, 1996, page 16]

for a fuller exegesis. Your [course number] grade is based on your demonstrated proficiency with the course material -- nothing else.

You were absent from approximately 70% of our class meetings; you were frequently inattentive (e.g. talking with friends in the back of the class) during the remaining 30%. You never once participated in class discussions or asked a question during lecture. You never came to my office hours with mathematical questions although repeatedly, orally and in writing, I implored students who were having difficulty to see me for help. Apparently the most effort you have put into my class is in your present plea for a grade you didn't earn.

The breakdown of your [course number] grade is as follows:

Homework: 41.23/100 = F
Exam 1: 64/100 = D
Exam 2: excused absence
Exam 3: 59/100 = F
Final Exam: 29/100 = F
Course Total: 41.20/100 = F

I hope my course has taught you something. I wish you luck in your future work.

Sincerely,
[Professor's Name]

The professor also reports: "At the time, I carbon-copied my response to the student's other instructors, some of whom were graduate students and might, I thought, want some support if they were being pressured by this student." What an excellent idea. Just as aggressive drivers speed ahead in the wrong lane until they find the one driver willing to let them in at the front of the line, I'm sure that this student emailed many of his teachers in the hopes that just one of them would increase his/her grade.

A series of unfortunate events

A student misses a quiz due to illness. Then misses another due to sleeping:

Dr. [name],
i just woke up today, and i know i had my alarm set for early this morning. the last couple nights have been long studying nights for me so i haven't had much sleep and the same was true last night. I am figuring that my roommate turned my alarm off this morning and didn't bother to wake me. This is the third or fourth time this has happened. if i can take the quiz during tomorrows class i would greatly appreciate it. Thanks,
[student name]

Then on the day of the THIRD quiz missed by this student:

Dr. [name],
I have been up late the last few nights studying for my [other class] test today and my [another class] test tomorrow and was in class from 11 till 2:30 today. After my [other class] lab i came back to my dorm and tried to review for the quiz but passed out. I just woke up when my roommate got back from class and woke me up. Thought i would inform you on my situation.
[student name]

Two weeks later, a couple of days before the exam, this:

Dr. [name],
I was wondering if it would be possible at all to postpone my test from this thursday to sometme next week. I have a lot of conflicting things this week and i would appreciate it so much if i could take it next sometime.
Thanks for the consideration, [student name]

I work best under pressure

Here's an email sent by a student the day before the presentation day for a major project in which for two weeks students worked in groups to construct certain mathematical objects. Most of the work was done in class, but this student wasn't around for most of that (and apparently neither was anyone else in his group):

Date: November 5

Hi, I am a student in your [general education math] class. I was not in class for three meetings on October 24,26,29 due to [problems unmentioned to me until now]. I have a low C in the class and I really wanted to do a good job on this project. I made a cube and dodecahedron and [something that we did not make]. I was wondering if we missed the handouts that showed how to make the other two objects? I got the handouts on [some stuff we made] but I have no idea how to make [another thing we did not make]. If you could shed some light on these things I would really appreciate it.

Really? The day before?

To the student's credit, after talking with the professor he spent the entire rest of the day in the student lounge constructing the objects that he was missing.

Ramble On

Another reader contribution:

Dear Professor [my name],

I am so sorry I missed class today. I was not feeling well this morning and missed another one of my classes this afternoon as well, but fortunately my professor had another section of the class later today that he allowed me to attend in place of my class.

I know I missed an exam today. I was up really late last night doing homework, reviewing my notes for the exam, and trying to study the tutorials for tests I need to take to apply to the [program name] program. I hadn't realized how complex it is to apply, and was really stressing out. I understand it is my fault that I was unable to make it this morning and you don't have to let me make it up. I know I need to take control over all the things I need to do and that I need to be more responsible.

I really don't want to do poorly in your class. I was wondering if there was anything I could do to help my grade, like attend the other section of your class on Friday afternoons ( I would go on Mondays and Wednesdays too, but I have another class). If there's any extra assignments or anything I can do to improve my grade I'd really appreciate it.

I know besides my missing this morning's exam I didn't help my already not so great grade in the class. I was only required to take [another math class] because I'm a [major name] major, but I heard [another class] consists of just coloring and busy work with no actual learning of [subject], [note from pedagoog: hey, I teach that class! watch it!] so I chose to take [this class]. I wanted to actually learn things, but I didn't take into account that the class might be too difficult for me.

I'm sorry that I missed class and the exam today, and I'm sorry I'm not doing so well in your class. I know it's my own fault and am trying to get a handle of all the things I need to get done. I've always had a problem with time management and had a 504 in high school. I didn't want to apply for anything like that here because I wanted to try to make myself able to work like everyone else. I am trying to balance my time to fit in more studying for math and more frequently. I really do want to learn and do well. I'm not an [some kind of] major who's taking [this class] because it's required. I'm taking [this class] because I want to learn, and I'm really sorry my progress in class doesn't reflect that so far.

Also, I'm sorry this email is so long.

Sincerely,
[student name]

I think this student really just wanted to retake the missed exam, but couldn't bring herself to ask for it. Maybe they should get 10 points for that. The professor was kind:

[student name]:

I'm not quite sure what you are asking. Would you like to take the test on Friday?

Prof. [my name]

I doubt it is going to matter

A reader sends in this email from a student who was a no-show for weeks on end:

I forgot to tell you today that I won't be in class on Friday because we are leaving for a track meet. What do you want me to do about the test? Was looking over the syllabus and remembered we have a test on Friday. Can I take it on Monday during your office hours? Or is that too late?
Sorry for the inconvenience.
If you need me to take it tomorrow at sometime, I can do that too!
Thanks,
[student name]

The professor's response:

[student name]:

According to my records, you have 83 out of a possible 300 points in my class so far, which is about 28%. In addition, you have come to my class so infrequently I don't think I could pick you out of a lineup, so I think it is likely you won't do very well on this test either.

So, while I am obligated to make accommodations for you if you have a meet on Friday, I doubt it is going to matter. I think you are going to fail this class anyway.

Let me know what you want to do.

[prof name]

UPDATE: Anyone place any bets on this one? The professor reports that the student did take the exam, and did fail it and the course.

Bad luck on test days

This isn't so bad on its face:

hi [prof name] its [student name]. i jutrs wanted to let you know i pulled my hamstring really bad in kinesealogy this morning and i am getting it iced and heated so i wont make it to class. can you please let me know what date the final is and what section we are up to. thank you and i hope your thanksgiving was a good one.

But in context it's a doozy: Apparently the student was not aware that the class they were missing was in fact the day of "Test 3". They had already missed "Test 2" a few weeks earlier:

[prof name],
hi its [student name]. i wanted tot thank you for letting me make up that test and i also wanted to apologize for missing the quiz the next day. im not going to blame my roomate for pulling out the alarm clock to plug in the printer, but thats what happened and you were out of your ofice when i got there after my next class.

What?

Wow.

i dotn have a problem withthe time but why arent the wrong answe posted that was great help i dont butit would be great it could putthatagain .... at leats it helps us alot to know which on we got wrong it doesnt evensay the answer

Thank you to the reader who sent in this email, whatever it says.

The joy of final course grades

A reader has kindly submitted this astounding email from their archives:

Subject: Grades

Dr. [Last Name],

I received my grades early this morning and I saw I got a C- in [your service course]. I don't know all of my grades for [course number] but this does not seem absurd. However, I am concerned about how [my best friend and co-major] managed to get a C+ in the class. Not to put [my best friend] down, but for me it's safe to say that my attendance, effort and grades were consistently better than [best friend]'s throughout the semester. The fact alone that I attended double the classes he did and turned in triple the amount of homeworks than he is grounds for a better grade in my opinion, at least the same! Unless he did substantially better than me on the final, I cannot possibly see how my grade is so much lower. Not to be an added burden, but I would appreciate it if you could justify this difference.

Thanks a lot,
[First Name Last Name]

My suggestion for a reply: "Oops, I guess your friend should have a C- too. I'll be sure to let him know you pointed this out."

Speling and gramer

A reader contributes this email from the grammar police:

I didnt know if you were aware but at the top of the syllabus you spelt persue "peruse", haha not tryin to be a smartass, just given you a heads up, thanks for the link.

[student's first initial]

Please email me the answers

Here's one from a reader who apparently has a national reputation for helping students cram for finals. This student was not in the reader's course, nor even a student at his school!

From: [Student not from where I work]
Sent: Monday, January 14, 2008 2:30 PM
To: [Professor]
Subject: [Course I taught in Spring Semester 2008]

Dear [Prof's Last Name],

I m a [discipline in which you teach] student and i am taking the course of [junior/senior level subject], our supplementary book is [Classic text on the subject]. I have a final exam on 17th of January and i am trying to solve exercises on the book but i am having some difficulties with the exercises at the end of the section [specific number]. if you have answers to these questions could you please mail them to me, not all of them are necessary i m trying to solve as much as i can so that i can trust myself more. Thanks for your attention.

[First name of student]

Leave your suggested email responses to this student in the comments...

He thought it would be okay...

There can really be no other place for me to start than this classic from my own class about seven years ago:

Dear Dr. Professor,

It is 3:20 right now, and I have your exam in [required course for my major] to take in ten minutes. I know that I have not attended your class in about two weeks, which I thought would be okay since I have attempted to take this same course 3 times throughout my collegiate career, so I thought that I would be familiar enought with the beginning material to not have to go to all of the classes in the early semester. As I have told you before, I have three [classes in my major] immediately prior to yours, and this past week, I've had 2 assignments and one exam I needed to get done by yesterday and another tomorrow. I'm not saying that your class is less important than any other or any easier (trust me, it's just as hard, probably harder), but like I said before, I am much more familiar with your material than any of my other classes. Bottom line is, I am terribly unprepared to take your exam at this moment. I know that there is no excuse for not taking an exam except under extreme circumstances, but I feel that even if I take the exam at a later time, even with a penalty, I will do better than if I took it at this moment. I won't beg you, but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE allow me to make up the exam at a later date. Any time, if you allow me to, would be perfectly understandable to me, no matter how late or early. I will accept a penalty also, if you want to give me one. If not, I fully understand as well (but hopefully you will allow me to, for this class is absolutely essential for my graduation this may). I'm terribly sorry for any inconvenience I've caused, and I am fully prepared to make up for all of it. Thank you very much for understanding.

Sincerely, Student

This email was so shocking that it took me over 24 hours to calm down enough to send a reply. I did finally manage to do so without swearing like a sailor:

Dear Student,

Figuring out 10 minutes before the exam that you aren't prepared since you haven't been to class in two weeks is certainly not a good excuse for missing an exam. At the very least you should have contacted me earlier and asked for my permission to take the test at a later time. Barring that, you should have come to the test and then discussed your situation with me afterwards. Frankly, I'm shocked that you would act so irresponsibly concerning a class that you say is essential for your
graduation this May.

However, big softie that I am (and in the "give 'em enough rope" tradition), I did let him make up the exam for a 20 point penalty. His score: 15/100. I didn't bother to subtract the 20 points. He didn't bother to return to class.

The Rules

To contribute an email from one of your students, send a text-only cut-and-paste of the email, together with any other relevant information such as what you replied, or wished you had replied, or the background/outcome of the story to googadep@gmail.com. Be sure to follow The Rules:

1. Please remove any identifying information from the student's email.

Okay really that's the only rule. You can substitute identifiers such as school, student, class, major, whatever with some other bracketed descriptor (like changing "Calculus 101" into "[your class]" or "[required course for my major]" or "[basic course I should have passed already]").

Your name, school, email, or other personal information will NOT be posted on this blog, so anything you send will be completely anonymous.

The rules are the same for submissions about test/quiz/assignment answers, or unreasonable and unfortunate events.