F is for flattery

A reader sends us this end-of-semester gem:

Hi [Professor],

I just recieved my [sophomore-level course] grade and you gave me an F. I am very very confused about this. I thought I was passing this class. I know the final was very difficult and I must have done bad, but it seemed like everyone did bad on it when I overheard people talking about it. I was close to average on the midterm, and was doing decent on my homeworks and quizzes. I was sure I would end the semester with a C. This was the third time I took [this course]. The other two times I dropped because I failed the midterms horribly and wasnt applying myseft to the course . This semester I was on top of all my [subject] work. I was really taken aback by my grade. I am almost sure there has to be an error. In the WORST case I should have recieved a D. Can you PLEASE check my grades again and reconsider certain things. I really dont want to have to take this class again. This F has really thrown me off track now. I have one more year here, as a 5th year senior. I was hoping to get my [courses of the type Prof. teaches] done by now so I can worry about my final classes and thesis. I am taking [another course in Prof's discipline] over the summer to get that out of the way also. I am really desperate right now. Can you please somehow manage to pass me. You've been a great guy all semester and a really great teacher. Can you just please help me out in this situation.

I would deeply appreciate it. Thank you.

[Student]

Well, since you really NEED a better grade and you think I'm really great, then okay.