I work best under pressure

Here's an email sent by a student the day before the presentation day for a major project in which for two weeks students worked in groups to construct certain mathematical objects. Most of the work was done in class, but this student wasn't around for most of that (and apparently neither was anyone else in his group):

Date: November 5

Hi, I am a student in your [general education math] class. I was not in class for three meetings on October 24,26,29 due to [problems unmentioned to me until now]. I have a low C in the class and I really wanted to do a good job on this project. I made a cube and dodecahedron and [something that we did not make]. I was wondering if we missed the handouts that showed how to make the other two objects? I got the handouts on [some stuff we made] but I have no idea how to make [another thing we did not make]. If you could shed some light on these things I would really appreciate it.

Really? The day before?

To the student's credit, after talking with the professor he spent the entire rest of the day in the student lounge constructing the objects that he was missing.

I doubt it is going to matter

A reader sends in this email from a student who was a no-show for weeks on end:

I forgot to tell you today that I won't be in class on Friday because we are leaving for a track meet. What do you want me to do about the test? Was looking over the syllabus and remembered we have a test on Friday. Can I take it on Monday during your office hours? Or is that too late?
Sorry for the inconvenience.
If you need me to take it tomorrow at sometime, I can do that too!
Thanks,
[student name]

The professor's response:

[student name]:

According to my records, you have 83 out of a possible 300 points in my class so far, which is about 28%. In addition, you have come to my class so infrequently I don't think I could pick you out of a lineup, so I think it is likely you won't do very well on this test either.

So, while I am obligated to make accommodations for you if you have a meet on Friday, I doubt it is going to matter. I think you are going to fail this class anyway.

Let me know what you want to do.

[prof name]

UPDATE: Anyone place any bets on this one? The professor reports that the student did take the exam, and did fail it and the course.

He thought it would be okay...

There can really be no other place for me to start than this classic from my own class about seven years ago:

Dear Dr. Professor,

It is 3:20 right now, and I have your exam in [required course for my major] to take in ten minutes. I know that I have not attended your class in about two weeks, which I thought would be okay since I have attempted to take this same course 3 times throughout my collegiate career, so I thought that I would be familiar enought with the beginning material to not have to go to all of the classes in the early semester. As I have told you before, I have three [classes in my major] immediately prior to yours, and this past week, I've had 2 assignments and one exam I needed to get done by yesterday and another tomorrow. I'm not saying that your class is less important than any other or any easier (trust me, it's just as hard, probably harder), but like I said before, I am much more familiar with your material than any of my other classes. Bottom line is, I am terribly unprepared to take your exam at this moment. I know that there is no excuse for not taking an exam except under extreme circumstances, but I feel that even if I take the exam at a later time, even with a penalty, I will do better than if I took it at this moment. I won't beg you, but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE allow me to make up the exam at a later date. Any time, if you allow me to, would be perfectly understandable to me, no matter how late or early. I will accept a penalty also, if you want to give me one. If not, I fully understand as well (but hopefully you will allow me to, for this class is absolutely essential for my graduation this may). I'm terribly sorry for any inconvenience I've caused, and I am fully prepared to make up for all of it. Thank you very much for understanding.

Sincerely, Student

This email was so shocking that it took me over 24 hours to calm down enough to send a reply. I did finally manage to do so without swearing like a sailor:

Dear Student,

Figuring out 10 minutes before the exam that you aren't prepared since you haven't been to class in two weeks is certainly not a good excuse for missing an exam. At the very least you should have contacted me earlier and asked for my permission to take the test at a later time. Barring that, you should have come to the test and then discussed your situation with me afterwards. Frankly, I'm shocked that you would act so irresponsibly concerning a class that you say is essential for your
graduation this May.

However, big softie that I am (and in the "give 'em enough rope" tradition), I did let him make up the exam for a 20 point penalty. His score: 15/100. I didn't bother to subtract the 20 points. He didn't bother to return to class.