Naked Attendance Quiz

Better to miss the 2-point quiz than to take it naked, I think:

Dr. [professor],

I really hope that you will be able to understand the conditions under which I missed class today. I did not purposely wake up and decide that I was going to skip your class this morning. Rather, I took a shower, my roomie walked out of the door and locked me out, meaning I was stuck outside of my room for roughly an hour and a half in a towel. There weren't any RAs in sight, and I was left with out a cell phone to contact her with. She was in a class. I hope you will not consider this a phoney reason as to not coming to class. However, I live in [dorm], so walking to class in a towel would have been rather difficult. I am writing this because a friend in the class told me about the attendance quiz that was taken your class today, of all days. I understand that this may seem a lil bizzar and a random reason. However, I am sincere when telling this. I just don't want to be penalized for something that was completely an accident/ out of my control. I understand if I am penalized in the end, but I figured I might as well try.

Thank you,
[student]

Otherwise

Ah, our jobs would be so much easier if grades were not tied to actual student performance.

Professor [name]
I took your [general eduction] class this semester on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays at 2:30. I had a lot of family problems during the beginning of the semester which prevented me from doing as well as I intended. I'm currently trying to get into the college of business, but to do so, I need a 3.6 gpa this semsester. My grades were a lot better during the second half of the semester and I think I did well on the final. I came to your office hours and my grades for [related classes that I took in high school] were all A's. Is there anyway that you can raise my grade to an A so I can pursue my major? Otherwise my parents are making me transfer to a school closer to home. I appreciate your time in reading this e-mail.

Thank you very much

When a student next asks me to increase their grade for no reason, I intend to steal this professor's reply:

[name]:

My job is pretty simple. I give tests, I grade tests, and I give people the grade they earn. While your story is intriguing, nothing in it justifies my changing your grade from one that you deserve to one that you do not. To do so would be unfair to every student whose grade you "leapfrogged." So, I'm sorry, but the answer is no.

Prof. [name]

The only things that I failed...

A favorite from the reader submissions sent in during the year I have spent under a rock:

The only things that I failed were the tests and the final exam, but I don't understand how I went from an A at midterms to an E for the final grade. I worked really hard on the grading project and the presentations. I hope you will consider changing my grade a little cause feel like I dont deserve this grade.